Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - August 2013

01/08/13  ||  Global Domination

Jex Thoth: Blood moon rise

7.5/10

Lord K: Writer sincan obviously digs these fuckers. This is the first time I listen to what they have to offer, expecting some trippy stuff (based on reviews and interviews I have read). So, the verdict? Well, Jex herself’s got a nice tone but as a whole this is completely beyond me. No need to pass the drugs this way. I do fucken well without them. 5

Habakuk: Hardly metal, this has a strange way of staying interesting. I bet that girl has something to do with it! 8

CadenZ: Dat atmosphere. Soulcrushing and mesmerizing at the same time. And what’s not to love about Jex’s voice? 8

Ironpants: Spellbinding, dark, magic, occult, magnificent. 9

Darkane: The sinister supremacy

7.5/10

Lord K: I never followed Darkane much but always knew that this Wildoer guy is an amazing drummer (here’s some drum nerdery, kind of, from the studio when they recorded this album. And now my good friend and F.K.Ü. vocalist Larry Lethal is back in the fold which means I just had to give this new album a chance or 5. And whaddya know – Darkane is another one of all these high quality bands that we Swedes shit out on a daily basis. The melodic thrash cocktail that Darkane’s serving me is tasting quite fucken fine. 8

Habakuk: I’ve known their name forever, but never actually heard them. Maybe If I had ten years ago, I’d be a fan today. Having a bit of metal experience now, what they do doesn’t really impress me much. 6

CadenZ: Great technical thrash with great musicianship all over (with Wildoer in pole position) and great vox by Dickror… Cockror… Fuckr… the singer. I’m not a huge fan of their earlier work but this is tits. 8

Ironpants: Excellent modern melodic death/thrash metal and with Mackrory back behind the mic, it gets interesting again. I will definitely listen to this more. Wildoer is also a treat for my drumming fetish. 8

Deathchain: Ritual death metal

7.5/10

Lord K: Finland’s Deathchain never gave a single fuck about being “accessible” to anyone but the die-hardest of die-hard death metal fans. No compromise, no fanciness – just pure blasting metal of fucken death with a good production and memorable material. We Scandinavians dominate this shit. 8

Habakuk: For a third-tier band, this is one serious statement. 7

CadenZ: The enemies of God! The seven demon shadows! The enemies of God! The seven envoys of the shadooooowws! OOOOF THE SHADOOOOWSS!! 8

Ironpants: Death metal done “by the book”, almost like some kind of ritual? 7

Acacia: Tills döden skiljer oss åt

7.3/10

Lord K: A tune like “Död mans mask” kinda hits home with me, I always had a soft spot for piano and female vocals mixed up with utter melancholy. This is the style that Acacia peaks with. The other side of the coin, the more “metal” side of the band, is not as appealing to me though it’s definitely done with passion and determination. The jump between black metalish things and the doomier parts isn’t always sounding all natural and the flow is therefore staggering a bit, but there’s no denying the talent here despite the sterility of the semi-weak production. 6

Habakuk: It’s the wrong season for this. But yeah, quality. 7

CadenZ: Five studies in depressive romanticism. Doomy, blackish, atmospheric stuff with a tad too polished production and some awkward clean vocal lines, but all in all pretty killer. One of the best debuts this year for sure. 8

Ironpants: Well, hello there! When autumn comes, I will love to get depressive to this. Really good stuff! 8

Black Sabbath: 13

6.5/10

Lord K: I’m surprised of the vitality on “13”. The sad part is that it took some 30 years or so to write this album. I would have done it in less than a month if I had to. The wreck we all know as Ozzy is actually sounding better than expected. 6

Habakuk: Surprisingly good. And surprisingly, I’m still not a huge Sabbath or Ozzy fan. 6

CadenZ: They’ve taken the great sound and working formula from their 70’s masterpieces, but unfortunately the execution is about as energetic as one could expect from a bunch of grandpas. Single hit “God Is Dead?” and the southern-tinged “Damaged Soul” are the highlights. Regarding the ridiculously loud bass, I can just picture Ozzy sitting in the mixing room going: “Sharon! Can you hear what Geezer’s doing? What? He’s the bloody bass player! Yes, he is! Yeah. Well, can you hear him or not?! Yeah? Well I can’t, so turn up the bloody bass Rick, will ya!” 6

Ironpants: This is pretty good stuff, and I think they pull it off quite nicely. It’s a fucken mystery to mankind that Ozzy is still alive and actually singing stuff that you can understand. People complain about them copying themselves, but hey, why shouldn’t they? Everybody else have been doing it for 30 years or so? 8

Dark Tranquillity: Construct

6.0/10

Lord K: DT’s always been standing in the shadow of their more successful colleagues In Flames. I never understood the comparisons between the two except for the fact they’re all nice guys and hail from Gothenburg. “Construct” is another competent piece with Stanne’s vicious snarl topping things off as usual. By the way, “The science of noise” holds a few riffs that I generously applaud and almost wish I wrote myself. 7

Habakuk: Now let me see your warface… You don’t scare me. Work on it! 5

CadenZ: I still miss the “Skydancer”, “Of Chaos and Eternal Night” and “The Gallery” days, but this is probably their best album since. Not mindblowing but certainly well-constructed (eh) and -executed. 7

Ironpants: I’ve never fallen into the trap of Dark Tranquility. They still have the knack for composing well performed ultra boring metal though. 5

Orphaned Land: All is one

5.8/10

Lord K: At times Orphaned Land really fire up some awesome things, just to destroy everything a second later with some overly pretentious ideas that are not really working. When they get it all pretty much right, like in the song “Let the truce be known”, they sure get my approval. 7

Habakuk: At times it’s like Nile without the death metal. And at other times it’s actually not too bad. 6

CadenZ: The best kind of progressive oriental life metal/rock/pop. Really passionate lyrics and vocals bring the message through, and all the Mid-East instruments and arrangements are a fresh flavor on the seasoning shelf of metal cooking. 8

Ironpants: No, this is not how I roll. The only thing that’s orphan here is one or two metal riffs. Well performed though, but that’s no excuse. I’d rather be a running target in the “Annual Fecal Throwing World Championships” than listen to this again. 2

Autopsy: The headless ritual

5.8/10

Lord K: I have yet to hear an Autopsy tune that I really dig. After 4 million years of being a legendary band I believe it’s time to admit Autopsy just isn’t for me. It passes for decent death metal, but then again so do a fuckload of other bands I don’t give a shit about. 5

Habakuk: Some moments of brilliance and a lot more idiocy. 6

CadenZ: Autopsy deliver what they’ve always done: gory, slimy, mildly insane death metal with no brain cells (eaten by maggots) and balls a necrophiliac would die for. 6

Ironpants: A dirty bomb of American old school, by old schoolers for old schoolers… 6

Månegarm: Legions of the north

5.5/10

Lord K: The one who thought it would be a great idea to include folk music into metal should be fucken shot. 4

Habakuk: Fuck. Only two of 13 songs on Spotify. Both kill. 8

CadenZ: The melodic punk hollering in the choruses is both amusing and annoying, as is the rest of this mix of folk, viking and black metal. I am less disappoint than some else time. 5

Ironpants: More folk-vibes, what the hell? When the folk is on, Ironpants is off, and I don’t mean the actual pants. But, when they fall into the more black vibes, I can nod my head to the beat. 5

Children Of Bodom: Halo of blood

5.5/10

Lord K: This kind of borderline humppa humppa metal is pretty terrifying. Not in a sense that it’s awful, but in the sense that it seems like people really like this anonymous mess of orchestra hits and happy metal riffs. So, the guy can play guitar? Good for him. He should start doing instrumental solo albums and get this shit overwith. 3

Habakuk: Undeniably these guys make effective music. It’s just not completely my thing. 6

CadenZ: The Bodom boys have definitely found their way back to good old form. Every album since “Hate Crew Deathbong” have been disappointing as fuck, but this one has cool riffs and arrangements that remind me of “Follow the Reefer”. They could’ve mixed the keyboards lower, though. 7

Ironpants: A bit too clean and happy as usual, but acceptable with a couple of decent tunes. They won’t lose any old fans with this, but probably not get any new ones either? 6

Kalmah: Seventh swamphony

5.0/10

Lord K: Oh, man. The Casio synths are exploding and once again Finland shows who the masters of creating melodic carnival “death metal” (that is stretching things A LOT) are. This is rightfully lumped together with their countrymen Children Of Bodom. 3

Habakuk: Symphonic keyboard metal. 5

CadenZ: Complete with dorky stomp riffs and a vocalist with pronunciation skills on par with Ivan Drago, Kalmah have always been a CoB clone a dozen steps behind their idols. That’s not about to change with this album, but I really enjoyed the humoristic chorus of “Pikemaster”, haha! “Perkele, perkele, perkele, perkele… Helevetin helevetin helevetti!!!” 5

Ironpants: This shouldn’t normally appeal to me, but it actually does… a bit. This kind of keyboard melo death stuff usually gives me the crotch itch, but I guess the massive amount of vodka I’ve been drinking lately is turning me into a Finn? 7

Summoning: Old mornings dawn

4.8/10

Lord K: Listen to the title track and tell me – why oh why? This is the kind of shit that takes a piss on every single serious musician in this world. Disgraceful. 2

Habakuk: I have only one song to judge this. And it sounds like an extended intro. To an album I wouldn’t like much. Here’s an ill-informed: 5

CadenZ: Still the perfect soundtrack to reading fantasy novels, intact with lo-fi synths and programmed drums. Just the way Summoning is supposed to be. 8

Ironpants: Even if the songs aren’t that bad at all, I can’t stand the sound of the programmed drums or the sampled sounds of the flutes and shit that are used. Guys, it’s 2013, there is software on the market that could have turned this into a good album. 4

Huntress: Starbound beast

4.8/10

Lord K: I think I read about this frontwoman believing she’s a witch or whatever. I don’t know. She looks more like a deer to me. Or a soft porn actress. No matter what she thinks she is, her voice is quite fine and a good fit for fronting this heavy metal meal that Huntress is cooking up for us all. I could do without the failed attempts at growls and shrieks though. I could also do without this picture. 7

Habakuk: I want to death you to fuck. 3

CadenZ: Sinergy did this so much better. Why aren’t they around anymore? Because of shit bands like Huntress. No wonder the lead singer is named Jill J. Anus. 3

Ironpants: Pale heavy metal with a great female singer. Without her, they would be the prey instead of hunters. And…“I want to fuck you to death”? Bonus for the slight penile erection when that image appeared in my mind. 6

Queens Of The Stone Age: …like clockwork

4.3/10

Lord K: I seriously do not have the time for this rock shit. 4

Habakuk: Exactly one of these tracks (“Smooth Sailing”) did something for me. Sorry guys. 4

CadenZ: Quirky alternate rock is quirky. And miles away from the brilliance of “Songs for the Deaf”. 5

Ironpants: “…Like cockwork? – Call 1800-HOMMES.” Well, he managed to fuck up a perfectly good band. I don’t like this new David Bowie style. Bye bye. 4

Megadeth: Super collider

3.5/10

Lord K: One of the most tired bands in the universe? Everything from their stage presence to their last 129 albums are testaments of how to grow old without dignity. 4

Habakuk: You can make music as bland as you want, but hands off Thin Lizzy. 4

CadenZ: We should thank Mr. Mustaine for giving us a solid definition of the term “has-been”. Thank you, goldilocks. 4

Ironpants: Standard formula hard rock with mild sauce on the side is coming right up!! Megasoft: “Sucker Cockrider” should be your shit if you woke up this morning and discovered that radio rock is your thing. One acceptable song on the album is a low even for them. And those lyrics… I’d rather floss my teeth with a pubic hair from a hobo than listen to this again. 2